You’re not crazy and you’re not alone.

If you feel like you’re going through a midlife crisis know that you don’t have to own this label and its non-constructive connotations.

Crisis is defined as:

  • a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; a turning point.
  • a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.

This definition sounds pretty accurate and somewhat constructive. Yet when I was going through this myself what I heard from others body language, words and actions sounded more like this:

  • You just need more self-control
  • Why can’t you be stable like me?
  • Why are you so dark? Are you depressed? What’s wrong with you?
  • How did your life get to be such a mess?
  • I don’t know who you are anymore.
  • Why can’t you get your s*it together?
  • I’ll be way over here if you need me because whatever you have going on is messy and looks contagious.

Maybe I read into other’s responses too much. Maybe some of this was trash in my own mind. Yet this is what I heard when people told me to keep my head up, that God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle or worse they tried to sell me something that would fix my life in 21 days (note: there is NO SUCH THING!).

The reality is that you are where you are. You can either a) use this as an opportunity to discover the life you were born to live or b) ignore what’s going on and keep trying to go through the motions.  While personal development and working on yourself is hard – I can tell you that it’s excruciating to live a life you weren’t intended to live because I have done both.

So now what? Now you begin your transformation process – one step at a time. Here are 5 things to get you started on this hard, fascinating and rewarding journey of discovering who you are so you can claim your dreams.

1.  Take a Deep Breath – then repeat after me

“ I am not in crisis. I have chosen change and am on the journey of claiming the life I was born to live. This discomfort will not last forever. Freedom is on the other side of transformation.”

2.  It’s not about “fixing” yourself it’s about learning to love yourself: You start to realize that what was working  isn’t working anymore. Your ability to pull all-nighters is gone. The drive to prove yourself is gone. That’s the way I felt when my soul first started to awaken – I had to do something. I bought myself self help and personal development books to try to “fix” myself. I used them to beat myself up – that didn’t work. I learned that I had to become friends with myself before I did anything.

3.  You have to let go of who you think you “should” be: We spend so much of our lives doing what we think we should do. Soon what we should do becomes who we should be. This gets in the way of discovering who you really are and creates a foundation that is built on lies versus who you really are. Take a step back and have some fun – who are you when no one is watching?  Who are you when there is no pressure?

4.  You have to REALLY want this: You can drive yourself nuts trying to figure it all out in one sitting – it doesn’t work that way – it’s a process. If you do a one page exercise and find yourself exhausted know that you’re not alone – it can be very taxing to dig deeply. This isn’t surface level work and the job of digging out the layers of dirt over your foundation is exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. You have to really want this and commit to a lifestyle of growth, change and personal development.

5.  Chose Freedom: You can choose to not be in crisis – you can chose to see this as an  awakening of your soul and an opportunity to get your life back; you can chose change,

Copyright 2015, Mary R Miller