Do you ever have those days where things rise to the surface you thought you’ve dealt with? I do. I had one of those days yesterday. I realized that I was letting feeling wrong feel right.
In my head I know that’s shame talking. Sometimes, it’s hard not to listen to it. The enemy not only wants to kick you when you’re down, but he also doesn’t want you to stay up for too long. I had a choice. Why was I choosing this line of thinking?
I wanted to know the root cause. After much prayer, many devotionals, and being in God’s word, He showed me that feeling wrong came from when I was a kid. It came from a relationship I had as a 15-year-old that left me feeling worthless and disposable. After all these years, there were still scars.
God showed me that these scars couldn’t be healed without forgiveness. It wasn’t in forgiving the guy – I had done that years ago, but it was in forgiving myself.
After all these years, I realized I was mad at my 15-year-old self. Mad at her for being stupid, naïve, and gullible. Mad because she should have known better. Then I saw myself punishing a 15-year-old who was already punishing herself. It broke my heart and that is when I forgave myself.
While I’m a work-in-progress, I was able to enjoy the rest of that day and I’m confident that God has many good things in store from me. I’m grateful to experience what feeling right feels like.
What about you? What are the lies you’re accepting? My prayer for you today is that God unveils things that rise to the surface that are holding you back. Things that He’s shining a light on in order to transform you. Things that you need to forgive yourself for. Things where you need to accept God’s forgiveness. I pray this all in Jesus name, amen.